My Great Ant Ethel

 

Better to be a chicken than

Tennessee Turkey

a chickenshit congressman. Not that I have an opinion on the matter, mind you.

Now what will KingDavid be thinking?

Hearththrob, or perhaps myocardial infarction, Rosie O'Donnell is wondering whether she'll be able to survive the Trump Presidency.   Well, always being ready to help, we can start by suggesting she lose about 100 pounds, though that'll be more difficult if she keeps her promise to move to the land of Tim Horton's. 

Week 2 NFC North QB ratings

Kinda had an early 1980s feel this past week:

1) Eric Hipple
2) Lynn Dickey
3) Steve Dils
4) Vince Evans

Week 1 NFC North QB ratings

Since most contributors to this blog root passionately for an NFL squad within the NFC North division, it's the only division that matters here.

With that, it's the long anticipated (or not) return of weekly QB rankings:

1) Sam (Don't call me "Tom") Bradford - 84% completion rate, 346 yards and 3 TDs. Averaged nearly 11 yards per pass attempt but eight would've been more than enough.

2) Matt (Don't call me "William E.") Stafford - poetry in motion with 4 TDs.

3) Aaron (Don't call me "Mister") Rodgers - Can you say "All he does is win?" I knew you could.

4) Mike (Don't call me "John") Glennon - Almost led the Bears to an upset of the defending NFC champs. Imagine what he could do with a legit receiving corps. It's easy if you try.

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The general reaction....

.....to singer Barry Manilow coming out as gay.




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Jay Cut

After 8 seasons with the Chicago Bears, quarterback Jay Cutler has been released. Cutler holds almost every passing record in Bears franchise history, which is a little like saying he's tall for a midget. 

But as The Onion pointed out, Cutler is the NFL's all-time leader in one particular category: 

Bears Release Quarterback With Highest Whining Percentage In NFL History

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Fortunate Son

🎶  It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no senator's son, son... 🎶



Our fellow grump Mr D. did a great job breaking down the saga of a few thugs disrupting a pro-President Trump rally at the Capitol building in St Paul over the weekend. The aforementioned thugs were all released from police custody pending a further investigation.

One of the sh*t disturbers is someone by the name of Woody Kaine, who is the 24-year old son of Senator (and Hillary Clinton running mate in 2016) Tim Kaine.

I wonder if any butthurt leftists are clinging to the flimsy logic that if this country had done the  moral and just thing by electing Clinton-Kaine, young Woody wouldn't have felt the need to lash out. Then again, a millennial having an old man as VP of the United States would have likely been a license to wreak as much havoc as possible methinks.

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"Fully furnished" takes on a new meaning

It was 1994 when I was on my own for the first time. I found a nice apartment in Mr. D's current city of New Brighton. While it was a fine abode, one of the amenities was most assuredly not getting laid.

From the NY Post: 

The hot new apartment amenity: sex

Instead of falling in love and then shacking up, some New York millennials are doing it backwards, and finding romance with their attractive roommates because it’s so easy and convenient. 

And here I thought I was so smart when I scored an apartment with a walk-in linen closet.

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Listen to reason, season is calling.....

Great news, you guys!! With Donald Trump now President of the United States, inequality, racial division and law enforcement abuses have all been eradicated!!

How can I make such a bold claim? Why look no further than the actions of the ultimate Social Justice Warrior of our time.

Quarterback Colin Kaepernick will stand during the national anthem next season, sources told ESPN on Thursday.

Kaepernick no longer wants his method of protest to detract from the positive change he believes has been created, sources told ESPN. He also said the amount of national discussion on social inequality -- as well as support from other athletes nationwide, including NFL and NBA players -- affirmed the message he was trying to deliver.

As a means of protest, he began sitting during the national anthem in the 2016 preseason before taking a knee for the final preseason contest and 16 regular-season games.

Kaepernick will opt out of his contract with the San Francisco 49ers on Friday and become a free agent next week, sources told ESPN.

In all seriousness, let's just call this what it is. A guy trying to resurrect his moribund NFL career. Nothing at all wrong with that, but to imply otherwise is disingenuous.

But at the risk of sounding too cynical, I also entertained another reason why Kap decided to stand for his country's national anthem. Perhaps he once witnessed his hero doing so in his own home country.

Who says brutal dictators can't be a positive influence on young people?

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Hello?

via GIPHY


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In the Trump era....

....a venue like this may be ideal.


Stay tuned, I guess.


via GIPHY

Name that pose

Time to bring this blog back from the dead.


Among the calisthenics my daughters are doing for their cross country ski team is a yoga-like pose that looks a lot like "downward dog", but has one leg up.  My sons and I were doing it last night, giving the only appropriate name possible, much to my daughters' disgust.

Coming to theaters soon.....

.....a new monster movie will feature this hotel being attacked by a giant Homer Simpson.

And of course, afterwards, he'll walk up the coast to TsingTao to quench his thirst.

Wait till next year

Sorry, Cubs fans, but it's already certain that the Cubbies will not win the World Series.  No, it's not their record, which apparently is already dismal at 12-20 (aren't they supposed to swoon in June?), but rather the simple fact that they are letting goats graze at O'Hare.

Now if this were simply at Midway on the South Side, we could simply think it were simply a stunt pulled by supporters of the Axis of Evil.  However, O'Hare is northwest, and hence we must assume that the curse of the goat is alive and well, being nourished and sustained by grass grown on life-giving greenhouse gases provided by the generousity of business travelers, many of them, ironically, Cubs fans.

Another grand success...

....of King David's cruise line, which apparently is sharing a board of directors with "President Obama's Economic Recovery Planners" and the "Tour de France Anti-Doping Commission."

Happy Burns Day!

Today marks the 254th birthday of Scotland's great poet, so make sure that you celebrate properly.  I'm not sure if they've got it at the Texas Roadhouse, though, KD. 

ODE TO A HAGGIS

Fair fa’ your honest, sonsie face,

Great Chieftan o’ the Puddin-race!

Aboon them a’ ye tak your place,

Painch, tripe, or thairm:

Weel are ye wordy of a grace

As lang’s my arm

The groaning trencher there ye fill,

Your hurdies like a distant hill,

You pin wad help to mend a mill

In time o’need

While thro’ your pores the dews distil

Like amber bead

His knife see Rustic-labour dight,

An’ cut you up wi’ ready slight,

Trenching your gushing entrails bright

Like onie ditch;

And then, O what a glorious sight,

Warm-reeking, rich!

Then, horn for horn they stretch an’ strive,

Deil tak the hindmost, on they drive,

Till a’ their weel-swall’d kytes belyve

Are bent like drums;

Then auld Guidman, maist like to rive

Bethankit hums

Is there that owre his French ragout,

Or olio that wad staw a sow,

Or fricassee wad mak her spew

Wi’ perfect sconner,

Looks down wi’ sneering, scornfu’ view

On sic a dinner?

Poor devil! see him owre his trash,

As feckless as a wither’d rash

His spindle-shank a guid whip-lash,

His nieve a nit;

Thro’ bluidy flood or field to dash,

O how unfit!

But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,

The trembling earth resounds his tread,

Clap in his walie nieve a blade,

He’ll mak it whissle;

An’ legs, an’ arms an’ heads will sned,

Like taps o’ thrissle

Ye pow’rs wha mak mankind your care,

An’ dish them out their bill o’fare,

Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware

That jaups in luggies;

But, if ye wish her gratefu’ pray’r,

Gie her a Haggis!

Ode to the King, or perhaps Queen, of Cars

....with all due respect, and many apologies, to ZZ Top. Though really, it does seem to be the logical follow-on to their hit song. No?



Hatchback, sliding doors
Pass out the books in case the kids are bored
V6, sun shades
And she’s a-thinkin’ that she’s got it made
She comes a runnin’ just as fast as she can
‘cause every mom’s crazy ‘bout a minivan

Loose jeans, Diamond ring
And she’s a-missin’ not a single thing
Diaper bag, running shoes
Don’t tick her off or you’re a-gonna lose
She comes a-runnin’ just as fast as she can
‘cause every mom’s crazy in a minivan

Six kids, in six seats
600 miles in the snow and sleet
Black tires, driving gloves
Lookin’ sharp with the products of love
She comes a runnin’ just as fast as she can
‘cause every mom loves her little minivan

Yes, climb that volcano!!!

The mountain climbing was intense; 
the camping was in tents!

Hard to get a real perspective until you see Tony an Eric in these photos:

 See the person in blue in the center of the photo?

More photos and descriptions here: Wow!!!

Doing drugs on a daily basis.

Hypertension sucks.

Diabetes really sucks!