My Great Ant Ethel

 

Better to be a chicken than

Tennessee Turkey

a chickenshit congressman. Not that I have an opinion on the matter, mind you.

Now what will KingDavid be thinking?

Hearththrob, or perhaps myocardial infarction, Rosie O'Donnell is wondering whether she'll be able to survive the Trump Presidency.   Well, always being ready to help, we can start by suggesting she lose about 100 pounds, though that'll be more difficult if she keeps her promise to move to the land of Tim Horton's. 

Week 2 NFC North QB ratings

Kinda had an early 1980s feel this past week:

1) Eric Hipple
2) Lynn Dickey
3) Steve Dils
4) Vince Evans

Week 1 NFC North QB ratings

Since most contributors to this blog root passionately for an NFL squad within the NFC North division, it's the only division that matters here.

With that, it's the long anticipated (or not) return of weekly QB rankings:

1) Sam (Don't call me "Tom") Bradford - 84% completion rate, 346 yards and 3 TDs. Averaged nearly 11 yards per pass attempt but eight would've been more than enough.

2) Matt (Don't call me "William E.") Stafford - poetry in motion with 4 TDs.

3) Aaron (Don't call me "Mister") Rodgers - Can you say "All he does is win?" I knew you could.

4) Mike (Don't call me "John") Glennon - Almost led the Bears to an upset of the defending NFC champs. Imagine what he could do with a legit receiving corps. It's easy if you try.

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The general reaction....

.....to singer Barry Manilow coming out as gay.




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Jay Cut

After 8 seasons with the Chicago Bears, quarterback Jay Cutler has been released. Cutler holds almost every passing record in Bears franchise history, which is a little like saying he's tall for a midget. 

But as The Onion pointed out, Cutler is the NFL's all-time leader in one particular category: 

Bears Release Quarterback With Highest Whining Percentage In NFL History

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Fortunate Son

🎶  It ain't me, it ain't me, I ain't no senator's son, son... 🎶



Our fellow grump Mr D. did a great job breaking down the saga of a few thugs disrupting a pro-President Trump rally at the Capitol building in St Paul over the weekend. The aforementioned thugs were all released from police custody pending a further investigation.

One of the sh*t disturbers is someone by the name of Woody Kaine, who is the 24-year old son of Senator (and Hillary Clinton running mate in 2016) Tim Kaine.

I wonder if any butthurt leftists are clinging to the flimsy logic that if this country had done the  moral and just thing by electing Clinton-Kaine, young Woody wouldn't have felt the need to lash out. Then again, a millennial having an old man as VP of the United States would have likely been a license to wreak as much havoc as possible methinks.

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"Fully furnished" takes on a new meaning

It was 1994 when I was on my own for the first time. I found a nice apartment in Mr. D's current city of New Brighton. While it was a fine abode, one of the amenities was most assuredly not getting laid.

From the NY Post: 

The hot new apartment amenity: sex

Instead of falling in love and then shacking up, some New York millennials are doing it backwards, and finding romance with their attractive roommates because it’s so easy and convenient. 

And here I thought I was so smart when I scored an apartment with a walk-in linen closet.

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Listen to reason, season is calling.....

Great news, you guys!! With Donald Trump now President of the United States, inequality, racial division and law enforcement abuses have all been eradicated!!

How can I make such a bold claim? Why look no further than the actions of the ultimate Social Justice Warrior of our time.

Quarterback Colin Kaepernick will stand during the national anthem next season, sources told ESPN on Thursday.

Kaepernick no longer wants his method of protest to detract from the positive change he believes has been created, sources told ESPN. He also said the amount of national discussion on social inequality -- as well as support from other athletes nationwide, including NFL and NBA players -- affirmed the message he was trying to deliver.

As a means of protest, he began sitting during the national anthem in the 2016 preseason before taking a knee for the final preseason contest and 16 regular-season games.

Kaepernick will opt out of his contract with the San Francisco 49ers on Friday and become a free agent next week, sources told ESPN.

In all seriousness, let's just call this what it is. A guy trying to resurrect his moribund NFL career. Nothing at all wrong with that, but to imply otherwise is disingenuous.

But at the risk of sounding too cynical, I also entertained another reason why Kap decided to stand for his country's national anthem. Perhaps he once witnessed his hero doing so in his own home country.

Who says brutal dictators can't be a positive influence on young people?

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Hello?

via GIPHY


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In the Trump era....

....a venue like this may be ideal.


Stay tuned, I guess.


via GIPHY

Name that pose

Time to bring this blog back from the dead.


Among the calisthenics my daughters are doing for their cross country ski team is a yoga-like pose that looks a lot like "downward dog", but has one leg up.  My sons and I were doing it last night, giving the only appropriate name possible, much to my daughters' disgust.

Coming to theaters soon.....

.....a new monster movie will feature this hotel being attacked by a giant Homer Simpson.

And of course, afterwards, he'll walk up the coast to TsingTao to quench his thirst.

Wait till next year

Sorry, Cubs fans, but it's already certain that the Cubbies will not win the World Series.  No, it's not their record, which apparently is already dismal at 12-20 (aren't they supposed to swoon in June?), but rather the simple fact that they are letting goats graze at O'Hare.

Now if this were simply at Midway on the South Side, we could simply think it were simply a stunt pulled by supporters of the Axis of Evil.  However, O'Hare is northwest, and hence we must assume that the curse of the goat is alive and well, being nourished and sustained by grass grown on life-giving greenhouse gases provided by the generousity of business travelers, many of them, ironically, Cubs fans.

Another grand success...

....of King David's cruise line, which apparently is sharing a board of directors with "President Obama's Economic Recovery Planners" and the "Tour de France Anti-Doping Commission."

Happy Burns Day!

Today marks the 254th birthday of Scotland's great poet, so make sure that you celebrate properly.  I'm not sure if they've got it at the Texas Roadhouse, though, KD. 

ODE TO A HAGGIS

Fair fa’ your honest, sonsie face,

Great Chieftan o’ the Puddin-race!

Aboon them a’ ye tak your place,

Painch, tripe, or thairm:

Weel are ye wordy of a grace

As lang’s my arm

The groaning trencher there ye fill,

Your hurdies like a distant hill,

You pin wad help to mend a mill

In time o’need

While thro’ your pores the dews distil

Like amber bead

His knife see Rustic-labour dight,

An’ cut you up wi’ ready slight,

Trenching your gushing entrails bright

Like onie ditch;

And then, O what a glorious sight,

Warm-reeking, rich!

Then, horn for horn they stretch an’ strive,

Deil tak the hindmost, on they drive,

Till a’ their weel-swall’d kytes belyve

Are bent like drums;

Then auld Guidman, maist like to rive

Bethankit hums

Is there that owre his French ragout,

Or olio that wad staw a sow,

Or fricassee wad mak her spew

Wi’ perfect sconner,

Looks down wi’ sneering, scornfu’ view

On sic a dinner?

Poor devil! see him owre his trash,

As feckless as a wither’d rash

His spindle-shank a guid whip-lash,

His nieve a nit;

Thro’ bluidy flood or field to dash,

O how unfit!

But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,

The trembling earth resounds his tread,

Clap in his walie nieve a blade,

He’ll mak it whissle;

An’ legs, an’ arms an’ heads will sned,

Like taps o’ thrissle

Ye pow’rs wha mak mankind your care,

An’ dish them out their bill o’fare,

Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware

That jaups in luggies;

But, if ye wish her gratefu’ pray’r,

Gie her a Haggis!

Ode to the King, or perhaps Queen, of Cars

....with all due respect, and many apologies, to ZZ Top. Though really, it does seem to be the logical follow-on to their hit song. No?



Hatchback, sliding doors
Pass out the books in case the kids are bored
V6, sun shades
And she’s a-thinkin’ that she’s got it made
She comes a runnin’ just as fast as she can
‘cause every mom’s crazy ‘bout a minivan

Loose jeans, Diamond ring
And she’s a-missin’ not a single thing
Diaper bag, running shoes
Don’t tick her off or you’re a-gonna lose
She comes a-runnin’ just as fast as she can
‘cause every mom’s crazy in a minivan

Six kids, in six seats
600 miles in the snow and sleet
Black tires, driving gloves
Lookin’ sharp with the products of love
She comes a runnin’ just as fast as she can
‘cause every mom loves her little minivan

Yes, climb that volcano!!!

The mountain climbing was intense; 
the camping was in tents!

Hard to get a real perspective until you see Tony an Eric in these photos:

 See the person in blue in the center of the photo?

More photos and descriptions here: Wow!!!

Doing drugs on a daily basis.

Hypertension sucks.

Diabetes really sucks!

A new sponsor for our blog?

No, not the squatty potty guys--sorry Gino!  Daisy!

(not Duke, sorry again...these guys!)

Welcome back, King David!

And in honor of your return, I'm submitting a poolish batard for judging in the local county fair.  Not coincidentally, those same words--Poolish Batard!!!!--were the precise response of the cruise ship industry, Rosie O'Donnell, and the Animal Kingdom Jihad to the new site. 

(for the uninitiated, "poolish" is a pre-ferment similar to sourdough used for making breads but literally means "Polish", and a "batard" is this style of bread.....or if you add an "s" before the t, you have the English meaning of the word)

And of course, there was great rejoicing here.

Ms Teasdale comes out of the closet

I'm not surprised, not that there's anything wrong with that.

Most folks could see through the self portrayal of a "moderate female heterosexual" for what she really is... some saw her as a bitter dyke that blames men for all the worlds ills. Yep, those eviiil men like mberg, that "old and white, flabby and crabby" neo-con!!!

Do you think coming out will improve her view on men?

Grumpy Old Avengers

This, my friends, is how our eclectic crew would be cast in the Avengers film.


KingDavid - Ironman/Tony Stark -Fearless leader, the one with the wit in times appropriate and not. Also, pretty fly for a white guy. And Crotchety.  

Captain America - BikeBubba - A man out of time in thought and method, but somehow very much on time. Has a strange persistence in telling about Jesus.

Black Widow - W. B. Picklesworth - Not entirely sure. Probably Russian. We may never know. ;)


Mr. D - Hawkeye - The one who will count the dead with accuracy inerrant.

 K-Rod - Thor - Where does he come from? How does he wield such a mighty hammer of intellect? Whats with the hair?


Nick Fury - Brad Carlson - Has a keen eye for what is going on both above and below the surface, and has a deep appreciation of American baseball.

NightWriter - Agent Coulson - Always ready to party.






Palm Boy - Loki. The kid brother playing with stuff he doesn't understand and might should not meddle with.

Gino - The Hulk - The only possibility for Bruce or Gino. Steals the show, impresses the ladies, and has fun doing it.

Something new at the blood center

The first question asked in the customary interrogation prior to giving blood last weekend was this:

Were you born male?


Apparently the FDA has decided to allow "transgender" people to donate blood, and thus to allow the one in 30,000 people claiming this to donate blood, they need to ask this obnoxiously hilarious question to every blood donor.

I'm guessing that "politics" has a little more to do with this one than "medicine" and "necessity to get enough blood."

Stop

WRAL: "In a paper titled "The Proof of Innocence," senior research scientist Dmitri Krioukov successfully appealed his failure-to-stop ticket by explaining that he may have appeared to an officer that he didn't stop when he actually did, according to the Los Angeles Times (http://lat.ms/I5ZCUw )."All you need to know is classical mechanics and a little bit of geometry," Krioukov told the Times.The calculations were very simple and took five to ten minutes, and writing the four-page paper took a few hours, Krioukov said."

The Paper is Here

Spam Masubi

From Gino.


Worth reading in its entirety, but this section alone filled me with amusement:

"One can of Spam. Just regular 'classic' Spam. Don't waste your time on the various varieties of less-unhealthy, more-spicy, or fowl-derived Spam. Those ain't Spam. This recipe calls for Spam. The Real Thing. Just get Spam, OK?"

Van Jones Town Pitchforks!

As Pat the Pernicious Peevish Girl has now officially claimed:

"The commenter formerly known as K-Rod"

Oh my!!!!

Oh shit, was there a bounty on K-Rod? Is K-Rod dead?

What would Swift do?

Soft Water

Lake Vermilion official ice out April 2nd!

That is a new record! The previous was April 6th 2010 and before that was April 10th 1945.

Daisy Bay was clear of ice March 30th.

Docks are in...

M.O.B. Yoda

Prescient blog post.

Hmmm, foresaw I did, mayor to be. Now that it has happened, look to Mr D.

Office of the M.O.B. mayor.

City Hall.

The election.

I'm thinking I could be the official MOB Yoda or some sort of cabinet department of.... or secretary of the force...

Obama mandates a volt in every garage; on your dime.

First the Liberal Fascists ordered:
"you have to pass the bill to find out what's in it."

ObamaCare forces citizens to purchase a specific product, in this case health "insurance"... The penalty of breaking this law could range from a fine/tax or even possible imprisonment...

When challenged, the Liberal Fascists now say 'don't act now, just wait and see how ObamaCare unfolds'...

Because they know that once its roots take hold you will never get rid of it no matter how much it hurts our country!

What's in a name?

New school can’t be Cougars because middle-aged women might be offended

Students at a new Utah high school are facing disappointment after their choice for a new school mascot was rejected for one of the strangest reasons possible: Board members deemed it might be seen as offensive to middle-aged women.

*facepalm*

The Injustice System

The city of Costa Mesa will pay a six-figure settlement to a man who claimed a police officer planted drugs on him, resulting in an arrest and a guilty plea in court.I
California has a "Three Strikes" law where a minor drug charge can effectively send somebody to prison for life.
Though I believe that most cops are honest, I do know through personal experience that some of them have a tendency to not be.
In this case, we have a clear situation where the cop was crooked.

Months after pleading guilty, the former Costa Mesa resident said he learned the substance was not cocaine after all. Timothy Slappy succeeded in having the conviction sealed and removed from his criminal record and, in March 2011, filed a lawsuit against the city, asking for $1 million.

And it seems that those who run the departments, such as District Attorneys are corrupt as well.

In the federal suit, lawyers representing Slappy claimed the officer planted the substance during the search, and that laboratory results that would have exonerated Slappy were kept hidden from him while he made his plea deal.

So, we have a D.A. who knew his evidence was fraudulent and still bullied an innocent man into a guilty plea.

Eventually, justice would prevail in this case. Who knows how many others might be living with convictions when we know how this case occurred.

It was in spring of 2010 that Slappy was called to Harbor Court in Newport Beach, where he said he was subpoenaed for a hearing regarding Harris and several complaints that had been filed against him.
According to the suit, it was there that Slappy was told by Costa Mesa detectives that the evidence found on him was not rock cocaine.

Now, here is my bitch:
Why was it necessary for the aggrieved to petition the courts that his conviction be expunged? Shouldn't that have been automatic? You'd think so, anyway.
The public needs to be notified as to the fate of Officer Harris, whatever punishment or discipline was administered... and to the D.A. and prosecutor as well.

No less than three people in a position of public trust need to face criminal charges in this matter, and at least two of them should be looking at serious jail time.

King David's Cruise Line

Pray for the victims and their families, but do take note that survivors are claiming that the crew of the Costa Concordia appears to have taken their emergency training every bit as seriously as did the crew of the Titanic.  Lessee.....captain takes the ship a few hundred feet from an island to show off to one of his crew....while ignoring required safety training....all while the passengers are being shepherded into the swine feeding operation cafeterias for their finishing on feed for the benefit of the witch from Hansel and Gretel dinner.  What could possibly go wrong?

Black Cat

F1100 Turbo LXR

Bring Out Your Dead (Pool) - 2012 Kickoff! (UPDATE: Brad adds his list)

It’s time to pick your Dead Pool for 2012!

Fortune favors the bold, and the guy who goes first, so I’m going to grab some low-hanging fruit with mine. My picks for 2012 are:

Hugo Chavez
Jerry Sandusky
Jon Corzine
Sid Caesar
Ndamukong Suh

To review this year’s results, Brad and I tied. I had one — Murray Warmath. I missed on the following:

Yogi Berra
Ernest Borgnine
June Foray
Doris Day

Brad was right with Harmon Killebrew and missed with:

Aretha Franklin
Michael Douglas
Mischa Barton
Arlen Specter

If you’d like to reuse my 2011 list for your 2012 entrants, feel free — they let me down, the weasels. I’ll let Brad tell you if he retains ownership of any of his 2011 choices.

And if you’re looking for low-hanging fruit, be sure to pick Etta James. If you want to play, add a comment or post your own.

Brad's picks
Seth Binzer
Sid Hartman
Bobby "The Brain" Heenan
Orlando Thomas
Jean-Claude Van Damme

K-Rod's Picks
Jack Klugman
Nancy Reagan
Jerry Lewis
Penny Marshall
Zsa Zsa Gabor

Tailgatin' with KD

Looks like he was hard at work this morning:

Story from a sermon in Iowa

The pastor, a slender man who loves his study and eating meat, gave this story:

I love mustard, and it was time for a picnic. My wife had made me a wonderful sandwich--thick slices of ham with a generous dollop of mustard and a leaf of romaine lettuce on a whole wheat bread--and I was just about to eat it when my wife asked me to hold our son while she went to the bathroom.

While holding our son in one hand and the sandwich in the other, I noticed that there was mustard on my arm.  However, with the sandwich in one hand and my son in the other, I couldn't do anything about it--until I realized I could lick the mustard off my arm.  What genius!

I licked the mustard off my arm.

It was not mustard.

And at the same time, my dear sweet wife came out of the loo, noticed what I had done and my attempt to wash it off with as much water as the fountain could deliver, and was laughing so hard I was afraid she would pass out.

(any resemblance to Ben is purely intentional, of course, but the real story is that I sent this joke to a former pastor, who--to my horror--read it before Wednesday night prayer meeting)

Week 5 NFC North QB ratings

1) A-Rodge

2) thru 4) Does it really matter?

Playing Right Guard For The Chicago Bears

May God have mercy on Jay.

Week 4 NFC North QB Ratings

Apologies to Brad, but I doubt he'd see it much differently.


1) A-Rodge
2) Matt Stafford
3) J-Cut
4) Donovan "Hurdy Gurdy Man" McNabb

Week 3 NFC North QB ratings

1) A-Rodge
2) Matt Stafford
3a) Donny McNabb
3b) J-Cut

Mute donkey question of the day

Representative of our phone company to my wife:

Do you have a number where I can reach you?

Week 2 NFC North QB rankings

1a) A-Rodge
1b) Matt Stafford
3) Donny McNabb
4) J-Cut

Quivers

Asked about the geology on the east coast that caused an earthquake felt from South Carolina to New York, the Obama administration said it was "Bush's fault".

Brad adds: Rep. Jeff Flake (R-AZ) had this perspective via Twitter:

Earthquakes hit Washington, next week hurricanes, after that frogs and locusts, then the worst plague - Congress returns.

Up Hill Both Ways

The ultimate endorsement

With Texas governor Rick Perry announcing he would be seeking the GOP nomination for President, it appears there's a new energy surrounding the party.

But as with any candidate, Perry will be dogged by insane rumors which seemingly get conjured up out of thin air. For example, in 2000, candidate George W. Bush was rumored to have been drinking alcohol again. In 2008, a certain subset of Barack Obama detractors questioned whether or not he was even born in the United States, which is a requirement to be President. With Perry, there are some crazy innuendos on how he's living a secret life as a gay man despite being married to a woman.

But to David Burge, proprietor of the Iowahawk blog, that matters not. In fact, back in June when there was heavy speculation Perry would jump into the Presidential race despite declining initially, Burge gave his unconditional endorsement.

Is Rick Perry gay? I don't care. In fact, if he cuts Fed spending by a real 10%, I'll do him personally.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

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The most intelligent thing I've ever heard come out of Barney Frank

Well, MSNBC's new slogan is "Lean Forward."

August in Texas

"Damn the Sun! How long will it torment us?" 
-Guglielmo Marconi, radio man.  


While not strictly a comment on the Texas summer, it has a keen resemblance to the emotions of those of us living here.


This is my back porch. North side under the roof, in the shade all the livelong day. It tells no lies. 

It's hot even for Texas, we're setting records for electricity usages. Increased population accounts for some, part is due to the paradox of thrift... the more efficient our consumption becomes, the more energy we will harness. 

Medical technology R&D

New material could offer hope to those with no voice

The team led by Langer and Zeitels has now developed a polymer gel that they hope to start testing in a small clinical trial next year. The gel, which mimics key traits of human vocal cords, could help millions of people with voice disorders—not just singers such as Andrews and Steven Tyler, another patient of Zeitels'.

About 6% of the U.S. population has some kind of voice disorder, and the majority of those cases involve scarring of the vocal cords, says Sandeep Karajanagi, a former MIT researcher who developed the gel while working as a postdoc in the Langer lab. Many of those are children whose cords are scarred from intubation during surgery, while others are victims of laryngeal cancer.

Other people who could benefit are those with voices strained from overuse, such as teachers. “This would be so valuable to society, because every time a person loses their voice, say, a teacher or a politician, all of their contributions get lost to society, because they can’t communicate their ideas,” Zeitels says.

Don't give up hope. Medical technology has come a long way and the best is yet to come. I've moved on from developing cardiac devices and am now on the forefront of implantables and devices for microsurgery and implantable biologics.