Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I'm proposing a new government program...Bucks for Boards

Let's face it. The Building industry is struggling with no forseeable relief. We've overbuilt for the last 20 years and with the banks afraid to sign off on any type of construction loan....obviously some drastic measures need to be taken.

Here's how it will work. the US government will pay for half the cost of your new office, warehouse or residential building. You only need to meet a few of our cherry picked requirements.

1. The building must be at least 25 years old.
2. You agree to have the old building torn down within 3 months after moving into your new Stash for Shacks building.
3. Your new building must have Geo Thermal heating and cooling.
4. Your new building must utilize wind power for 50 percent of it's electrical needs.
5. Your new building requires that only 10 percent of it's occupants can park their vehicles on site. The rest must come in by Public transportation or pedal power.
6. The parking area in your new building must be under the structure. We don't want Urban sprawl.
7. Any company cars must be Flex fuel, or alternate fuel vehicles that get at least 40 MPG combined city/hwy driving.
8. Your new building must have R40 insulation value in all walls and roof.
9. Your new building must have a designated area for bicycle parking.
10. Your new building is to incorporate natural prairie grass incorporated into the roof design.

I think I can stop there. You get the picture I'm sure. As Crazy as this may sound, mark my word, something to this extent is coming.

Any ideas for catchier name are welcome.


  1. must come with acreage, stocked with deer, with tree stands and adequate shooting lanes installed.

  2. I think Stash for Stacks, as you have it, is the best one.

  3. Instead of natural prairie grass, I propose a composter on the roof, with a methane capture system to provide heating fuel for the building. All building waste would go to the composter.

    The unit would be called, "Shit on a Shingle."

  4. Actually, state construction code already requires R50 on the ceiling, doesn't it? And most of this list is part of the "LEED" certification given out to many buildings that really aren't that environmentally or architecturally sound, but it does make people who can check of checklists feel good about themselves.

    I had a coworker who told me that she was going to install geothermal heat in her house at a cost of something like $24k to save about $1k annually in heating bills. Sadly, I didn't have the heart to tell her that not only did her family's investment not meet any sane criterion of ROI, but she could probably also save a lot more for a lot less simply by insulating properly and replacing a few windows.

  5. W.B. have you heard of sarcasm? Dan, The composter is good idea. Bike Bubba, I'm way behind on the building codes but you get the point. Wright County now requires that any new office building have at least one Flex fuel vehicle in the sales fleet....or something to that extent.

  6. Ya know, it's getting harder and harder to parody this type of thing....