I know I'd have been confused!

According to Fox News, Campus Crusade for Christ is going to be changing their name to "Cru", evidently forgetting that there is already a group by that name. In their defense, both the college ministry and the heavy metal hair band do shout at the devil all around the world already, so it sort of makes sense, but....




.....yeah, I'm guessing some people might be confused and disappointed to arrive on campus to get an invitation to "Cru" and find it was a Bible study.

A prayer request from corn country

A sweet young couple, one of whom attends my church, is considering marriage, but sad to say, they're religiously divided.  He's a Deere man, and she likes Internationals.  At least it's not a Ford/Chevy divide, or else I fear they'd have to break up.

Hilarity from the NCAA

College sports fans all over the nation are well aware of the NCAA's crusade jihad effort to remove "native american" names from the membership of the NCAA, under the idea that somehow using the name of a tribe is inherently degrading to native americans.

Now, leaving aside for a moment that the NCAA will accept the "Seminoles," but not the virtually identically portrayed "Illini" or "Fighting Sioux", and leaving aside for a moment that using a name for your sports team is generally intended as a measure of respect to convey the idea of being manly and a worthy opponent, and leaving aside for a moment the question of whether other ethnic names like "Fighting Irish" or "Spartans" or "Banana Slugs" are obnoxious, consider where the NCAA is meeting North Dakota elected officials to discuss the fate of the Fighting Sioux moniker.

Indianapolis, a city of course named after Native Americans, and, AHEM, the headquarters of the NCAA. You'll need a sharp knife to cut through that hypocrisy.

In Other News

Coming in a fortnight late, is this announcement. 
That hand on the bottom is mine, the one on top is the beautiful woman I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. 
Your prayers are appreciated. 

Name the baby contest

As a lot of us know, Mrs. W.B. Picklesworth is expecting (congratulations!), and in honor of our brother, who takes God's command "husbands, love your wives" seriously, I think it's time for another "Name the Baby" contest.

Given Ben's occupation, I'm going to suggest "John Paul," "Trent," and "Ignatius."  He might think "Martin" or "Philip" better, though.  And of course, there's always "Salathiel."

Genius at work at Fox News

Check this out.  Apparently, Fox News has at least one journalist and at least one editor who believe that the skin of an airplane is steel.  Maybe if it's an old Soviet design, but in the western world, aluminum has been used for the fuselage since the 1930s.

It's all perspective

While perusing Facebook, I happened to come across a post from a gal who graduated high school with me. Apparently she's all up in arms because of some of the inane status updates posted by others. Now I happen to know that she is naturally an abrasive, obnoxious personality. The reason I know is not only did we go to high school together but we dated for a few months after reconnecting at our 10-year high school reunion (granted, it seemed like A LOT longer than 3 months) . Yes, she was just like I remembered in high school: subtle as a chainsaw.

Anyhow, here is exactly what she wrote:

Does anyone else find it simply stupid reading posts from ppl that say they are at the McDonalds drive thru or the grocery store or at home? Come on, like I really care. post something interesting like you are at a concert or something. Sorry if I offend anyone but I am already crabby...

For the record, I would like to point out that this lament comes from the same person who posted closeup pictures of herself getting her navel pierced. Yes, the fat rolls and stretch marks (she's had a few kids in the past ten years) were there for all her Facebook friends to see.

To be fair, I didn't find it stupid as much as I did....well.....utterly freaking repulsive.

The Week in Electronic Correspondence

What we've learned:

Sarah Palin's e-mails reveal she was hard at work.

Anthony Weiner's various tweets and texts reveal he was hard, at work.

Bees. Save the Bees.

4/28:
http://dallas.craigslist.org/mdf/zip/2352054056.html
"WE WANT TO SAVE THEM -

We need help to Remove BEES - come over and get them out house
Bees are under siding - 8 Ft tall from ground - and probably 3 ft away from wall -

Will help with any assistance - as long as you take them all

location near by I20 and GREAT Shout West
REPLY with phone number - so we can discuss details - THANK YOU - "

-----------------
6/4:
http://dallas.craigslist.org/ftw/zip/2420891849.html
"bee hive in siding/roof of carriage house in Fairmount. I thought someone came and got the hive, the last time I posted this, but it was the neighbors trying to kill them
call 817-247-0919 "

Further Updates may follow

The Closer

Congrats to Brad!!!!

Great show!!! You had me laughing at the start... "...members of congress..."

Nice current events in the middle...

And some excellent insider-sports-rube-ness at the end...

Bravo!!

That's funny.....

....I tried the new USDA food recommendations, and no matter hard I try, I'm gaining weight.  It wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that my favorite plate is two feet in diameter, and my favorite cup is a liter beer mug, would it?

Seriously, I think it's time to stop the "Mickey Mouse" efforts to teach innumerate Americans how to eat right with new gimmicks, and admit that the past 50 years of government proselytization regarding diet have achieved nothing but failure.  If they didn't understand the "four food groups" I learned as a kid, or the food pyramid that was introduced in the 1990s, they're not going to suddenly figure it out with Mrs. Obama's plate, either. 

Our own "Weinergate"

The webernets is all abuzz with "Weinergate," the scandal du jour, in which a photo of what may or may not be the li'l "chief of staff" of Congressman Anthony Weiner (D-NY) was tweeted to a young lady who is not Mrs. Weiner.

What's made the story more intriguing is that Weiner's explanation keeps changing, from "My account was hacked," to "Uh..., I mean it was a prank," to "No comment -- talk to my lawyer." Whatever the case, I certainly feel bad for the aforementioned Mrs. Weiner as well as for the young lady who, it seems, did not solicit the image of the pup tent in question.

I think we can all agree that it is not appropriate to subject young women to images of man-bits against their will. With that stipulated, my story for this post does not involve a young woman, but my nine year old daughter.

She is about to finish the 4th grade, and a few weeks ago, her class concluded a "Family Life" unit with the viewing of a video. Fortunately, her teacher did give parents a heads-up that it was forthcoming and offered the opportunity to preview the video. More fortunately, I took her up on the offer.

The video was, "The New improved Me: Understanding Body Changes." From the vendor,

Give young teens an information-packed explanation of male and female body changes to help them accept puberty as an exciting and important event in their lives. And a normal healthy part of growing up.

THE NEW, IMPROVED ME: UNDERSTANDING BODY CHANGES is a two-part program that is designed to explain the physical changes that boys and girls can expect to undergo during this period. The program's goal is to present puberty in a positive way, demystifying a process that can be puzzling and frightening to youngsters who are ill-informed or unprepared to face this transition. A theme that is central to both parts of the program is puberty as a natural and normal occurrence whose exact onset cannot be predicted. Every person has a different "body timer" that was set before he or she was born and can’t be slowed down or sped up.

Note: Does not cover masturbation. [Thank heavens for that! - Ed.]

The vendor indicates the grade level for this video as 5 - 9, so it would seem a bit advanced for a 4th grade class, but I checked it out with an open mind.

The video is split nicely into two parts: the first half about boys' body changes, and the second half about girls' body changes. After my preview, I sent a note back to the teacher to say I'd watched it, and it was ok for my daughter to participate. I knew the boys and girls would be separated when they watched, so I asked just to confirm that the boys would be watching only the boy half and the girls would be watching only the girls half of the movie... Right??....

Uh, no.

The plan was to have all students watch both halves of the video. It seems the Hopkins School District had decided that it was perfectly fine for my nine year old girl to be subjected to graphic images of male genitalia as well as descriptions of semen production, erections, and ejaculation.

Upon learning that, I pulled her out of that portion of the class (she did watch the girls' part - only), but I feel bad for the parents who simply trusted that their child's teacher wouldn't show them anything inappropriate.

I understand that kids can begin puberty as early as age 10, I see the value in having my daughter learn about the changes that will soon be happening to her, and I thought the presentation of that message in the video was fine.

I am also certain, however, that she is not a little boy (I even have the long-form birth certificate to prove it!), and I do not understand what the school hopes to accomplish by presenting her with images of the male anatomy at this age.

As luck would have it, there was a School Board meeting that very week, so I took the opportunity to pose this question directly to them. The meeting was recorded for the public, so if you want to hear what I had to say, use this link, select the May 19, 2011 meeting (warning - big file), and go to the 8:00 mark.

They still haven't answered the question directly, but I was contacted by the person who coordinates the curricula for the district and was invited to be a parent representative when they update the health curricula and materials during next school year. I absolutely will be participating, and I pray that I can have some influence regarding the age-propriety of future materials.

In the meantime, please consider this a reminder to parents of school-aged children to remain ever-vigilant about knowing what their kids are being taught.

A delightful mistake, or missing the point?

While shopping at Wal-Mart last night, I noticed that about half of the "family planning" shelf in their pharmacy section was filled with Advil.  Well, I guess that for some husbands, headache mitigation may have something to do with family planning, but not in the ordinary sense. 

Mmmmmm.....good!

Remember the old joke that if you get so poor, you have to eat dog food, at least buy the kind that makes its own gravy?

Well, apparently the Russian Army benefited from that wisdom lately. 

That said, given that dog food ain't exactly cheap--even the cheap stuff is at least 50 cents a pound--I'm not quite sure that feeding the troops dog food actually saved money vs. buying, say, flour and making a substance called "bread."  However, I dare suggest that if the generals wanted to destroy morale, they could hardly have chosen a more cost effective way of accomplishing it.

Harmon Killebrew: 1936-2011

Well, I have absolutely ZERO joy in the fact that I had this selection in my 2011 Dead Pool. Unfortunately, when a 70-something man is diagnosed with cancer (much less esophageal cancer), it's pretty much a death sentence.

The greatest home run hitter in Twins history will be sorely missed.

Tomato, to-mah-to

Ok, ok...

After being sufficiently prodded, I supposed it's time to come out of hiding and post something.

Fact is, I had a little something I had to take care of in Pakistan (maybe you heard about it -- it was in all the papers) last week. I can now disclose to you that I'm actually part of a little known division of the Navy Seals, called the "Manitees."

Ok, maybe not. Seriously, though, I've been amazed at the coverage of the killing of Osama bin Laden and the inability of so many journalists to get through a narration without calling Osama, "Obama," or calling Obama, "Osama."

Here's a sampling.

I get it -- the names are similar, but come on, people! Especially for a professional journalist, It should be easy to tell the difference between President Osama Obama -- (dammit!)...

Anyway, as a service for those who may hold some residual confusion, following is a primer to help discern between Obama and Osama.




Osama: Leader of Al Qaeda terrorist network


Obama: President of the United States of America

-----------------------


Osama: Stunned the US economy and disrupted the American way of life with the terror attack on September 11, 2001


Obama: Stunned the US economy and disrupted the American way of life with Marxist redistribution policies

-----------------------


Osama: Known for recording speeches in front of caves


Obama: Known for recording speeches in front of teleprompters

-----------------------


Osama: Has been largely ineffective as a leader as a result of the policies of President George W. Bush


Obama: Has been largely ineffective as a leader, except when continuing the policies of President George W. Bush

-----------------------


Osama: Hopes to get tail from 72 virgins after his death


Obama: Hopes we'll believe his tale with 72 versions after bin Laden's death

-----------------------


Osama: Confuses journalists with alternate spellings of his name, i. e. Osama / Usama


Obama: Confuses journalists with alternate spellings of his name, i. e. Obama / Urkel



There, see, it isn't so hard to tell them apart. You're welcome.

Obama stays the course!

Bravo President Obama! Better that you, instead of Bush, invaded Pakistan to take out UBL, at least in the eyes of the lefty progressives. What would Wellstone! say?

"Hello? Is there any Stover out there?"

As a result of Mr. D's 2,500th Post post, I got to reminiscing.  So I looked back trying to find out when I had stumbled upon his blog.  Along the way I got sidetracked in a comment section where there was a comment by Dan Stover.  I haven't seen hide nor hair of Stover for a long time, though I think about him from time to time.

So I pulled up his old blog, "Northern Alliance Wannabe" and found this old tool for making Obama posters.  It brought back good memories.  So Dan, if by chance you read this, I hope that you are doing well!

Oh, and the whole poster making thing made me feel happy.  What a pathetic excuse for a president Obama is.  Trainwreck is too kind.

How a man lights birthday candles

Did We Really Need One More Bubba?

So, it looks like another member of GOM has managed to convince a fine lady to be still for a minute

Before we all start singing the 'Viva Viagra' song, I first want to congratulate Bike Bubba (who appears to still have some powder in the pan, even after 40) and the lovely lady he suckered into marriage on their pending arrival.

We all know what comes next: A naming pool.
How's about it?

Just leave your entries in the comment section.

Name that food contest....

Doug Powers, writing for Michelle Malkin, links a wonderful picture of the school lunch. 

And the guys who are putting this on the table--apparently the same guys who came up with the "Real Italian Pizza" I had as a "young skull full of mush"--have the unmitigated gall to suggest that the schools know better than parents what might be good and healthy to eat.

First submission: Chili Possum Friccassee.

And a video in honor of this:

Control

A statistician’s wife gives birth to twins. Excitedly, he calls everyone to share the good news. When he tells the church they say, ‘That’s terrific! Bring them down to church this Sunday, and we’ll baptize them!’


’Uh, let’s just baptize one of them,’ says the statistician. ‘We can keep the other one as a control”.

And Another One Down...

I have finally euthanized my Careful Thought and Hyperbole for 1000 blogs. For my two readers out there - sorry about that.

RIP Young Dead Elms.
Guitarman, you best not be leaving us here at GOM, too.

What would Henry VIII say....

.....to the fact that apparently these days, the British royal family needs to consult family lawyers to put matters into order for the upcoming wedding of the crown prince and his intended. Yes, things have come a long way since Anne Boleyn and Catherine Howard.....

Venting

Polemical poetry for the Monday before the Wisconsin judge election.  You know, the one the Donks are trying to use to overturn lawfully passed legislation for nakedly partisan reasons.  It's a disgusting display.

Malice and spite

Never knowing the right;

That is the heart of a Democrat.

Putrid like meat

That's left out in the heat;

That is the heart of a Democrat.

Despising us all

While demanding our thrall;

That is the heart of a Democrat.

Murray Warmath, RIP

The last successful Gophers football coach dies at 98. And the first dead pool call of 2011.

Great news!

Scientists have found that being grumpy is the key to a long, happy life.

Wait a minute....let me think that one over a minute.....

ViQueens stadium thoughts

One "reason" given by advocates of a new stadium for the ViQueens is that if we lose them, we'd be nothing more than a cold Omaha.

On the bright side, if the Twin Cities became a "Cold Omaha," wouldn't we have a lot of good steakhouses within a ten minute drive, and wouldn't we have the five time national champion Nebraska Cornhuskers just an hour away?  Sign me up!  We'd finally have a decent football team in the state--and it wouldn't depend on the Packers or Bears coming to town!

Papers Betwixt Covers

Bike Bubba's Night Time Readings

So, question for you grumpy gents. 


If you like books, what are two (and only two!) that you would recommend to read within the next year?


With the presumption that the Bible is excluded from the list, because its already frequently read.


Leave a comment, or make a post out of it with expanded reasoning. 

Crush

This isn't a finely nuanced argument.  It is, instead, my reaction to Mr. D's post that Republicans might be getting weak-kneed in Wisconsin.  My emotions lead me in on direction: eliminationist rhetoric (of the lousy poetical variety.)

Crush some garlic; crush a bug
Crush the tyrant; he's a thug.
Crush the grapes to make some wine
"Crush", a soda that's just fine.
Crush, the shallow love of youth.
Crush, a job assigned your tooth.
Crush a beetle, though it stinks;
Crush a cockroach if it winks;
Crush the bugs that eat the crop;
Crush a union; make it pop!

Cross posted at Where Poetry Goes to Die

What heavy metal guitarists do when not on tour

http://www.angusyoung.com/index.htm

I wonder if Mr. Dilettante knows him........

(thanks for the correction.....probably should have just said "axeman" to begin with)

Captain Ed Explains It to You

This was grumpy enough to belong here, too, although it originally appeared at my place.

Begin rant.

If you want to understand how daft the Left really is, consider this shrewd observation from Ed Morrissey:

The global economy still requires mass manufacturing, mining, construction, and other traditional labor-intensive tasks. However, globalization and the heavy cost of unions to business has pushed much of those activities out of the country, except for those industries tasked with deriving the natural resources from America. Organized labor will still play a part in those industries, but ironically, those are the industries most under fire from the politicians that get elected with union dollars: Democrats. Oil, coal, and gas extraction could create millions of new well-paying and union jobs, but the unions keep contributing to those politicians most likely to block the extraction and use of all three. That’s another reason why the unions are fast becoming an anachronism.

Emphasis mine. Think about it, since these boneheads won't: if the public-sector unions gave a damn about their brethren in private sector union, they wouldn't support the environmentalist Left candidates who spend their days gumming up the works. Instead, they are in an alliance with the Al Gores of the world, providing a variety of, ahem, inverse services that delay or deny permitting, exploration and implementation of energy extraction, to say nothing of siting and permitting of refineries and the like. Private sector unions standing in solidarity with their public sector brethren are being played for fools. Meanwhile the price of gas at the SuperAmerica down the street is $3.60 a gallon this afternoon. Remember when we heard people saying "drill, baby, drill?" Guess not.

And while all this is happening the young people of Madison are chanting "si se puede" in the Capitol building as they rally to the defense of clerks who favor their own sinecures over all else and cast their own appetites as intrinsic to the public good. And the young people, who will receive the bill for the continuing largesse our clerks demand, are doubling down on their behalf. Will these noble dunces chanting "si se puede" be paying a hell of a lot more money, and have a hell of a lot fewer choices over the conduct and range of options available for their adult lives, if they somehow manage to shout down Scott Walker? No cabe duda.

I believe the term Lenin used for such people was "useful idiots." I also believe the term is too charitable.

End rant. Further affiant sayeth not.

The Birds

The collegial birds are determined.
By the side of the road they shall meet.
Shoulder side chit chats are better by far
Than any mid-field meet and greet.
What they're discussing I'm not certain
It might be the snow in the West.
But when I draw near, they fly off in fear.
It appears I'm a pest not a guest!


(cross posted at Where Poetry Goes to Die)

That's going to take a lot of Miller Lite and Cheddarwurst!

Apparently, the SEIU is vowing to turn North Dakota into Wisconsin.  OK, give it a try, boys, but that's going to take a lot of beer and cheese, and planting a few trees (and hills) might help, too.

Separated at Birth?

The first is, of course, Colonel Gadhafi of Libya, and the second is Howard Stern. I think. :^)

A bit of levity....

Apparently, to reach the highest levels in many corporations, one does not need to be very observant or intelligent. How do we know this?

Take a look. Apparently, nobody at Ferrari thought people at Ford might mind if they named their new Formula 1 car the "F150," and apparently, nobody at Ford considered that nobody would ever confuse a Ferrari with an F150.

And even though I'm currently driving a GMC, even I can figure out that Ford's pickup is the better car. Unless you allow me to sell the Ferrari and both pay off my mortgage and get a new Traverse or Suburban. Then I'd like the Ferrari better if you were to give it to me.

Until I sell it to some sucker lucky buyer.

KD Missed This One

Here they come to snuff the rooster, aww yeah
...but he aint gonna die.

1000 Words

Grand Wizard of the Football World

27-24, Packers


Closest to the score and result gets the title, until the next Super Bowl, of 'Grand Wizard of the Football World' on GOM. Gents, start your picks

They couldn't print it if it wasn't true

Congratulations, W-, I mean, Ben.

Cruise ship update; how did they do this?

Apparently, a cruise ship has run aground off Antarctica--though thankfully for the passengers, the hull was not breached, or at least they're not admitting it.  Given that Antarctica is largely surrounded by shelf ice, you've got to hand it to the captain; it takes some doing to run your cruise ship aground off Antarctica.  Maybe he was told that KD was a passenger?

After emptying the ship's reserves of SPAM, Stroh's, and Hormel Chili with Beans, the passengers will continue their vacation in Malawi, I'm told.

Men, stay away from Malawi!

Apparently, the government of Malawi is considering legislation that would make breaking wind a crime.  Obviously, most of us had better stay away, as those of us who honor the loons at PETA with our diets will probably NOT be allowed to use "making lifesaving medical treatments" as a defense against charges of "disturbing the public tranquility" in that fair nation.

On a more serious note, it is entirely likely that if this law is enacted, it will make it even more difficult for this nation to feed itself; a quick look at the agricultural output of the nation indicates that one thing that could really help there is the increased cultivation of beans and legumes of various kinds.  If they ban breaking wind, however, don't count on farmers to see increased demand for these products, to put it mildly.

Europe, As Per America

An Ode the the loons at PETA

.....I bought bunny fur "Mad Bomber" hats for the wife and daughters for Christmas this year. With due apologies to the fine people at Veggie Tales.....

The Bunny, the bunny, whoa I wear the bunny
I don't wear the gap or Walmart, just the bunny
The Bunny, the Bunny, YEAH I eat the bunny
I gave all my veggies away for the bunny

I don't want no pleather when it's time to dress
And nasty shedding faux fur, it just makes a mess
I don't want no bunnies to come out and play
I'll ride my spring horsie wear bunnies all day
I won't eat fake meat, and I won't eat tofu
That stuff is for sissies, but bunnies are cool!

Refrain:

I don't want no pickles, I don't want no honey, I just want a plate and a fork and a bunny
I don't want a tissue when my nose is runny, I just want a plate and a fork and a bunny
I don't want to tell you a joke that is funny, I just want a plate and a fork and a bunny
I don't want to play on a day that is sunny, I just want a plate and a fork and a bunny

Repeat refrain during final verse

The Bunny, the bunny, whoa I wear the bunny
I don't wear pleather or faux fur, just the bunny
The bunny, the bunny, yeah, I eat the bunny
In a hot skillet with oil......goes the bunneeeee!

A Grumpy Good-bye

In case you haven't heard the news, the Rev. Picklesworth is moving his base of operations to Iowa, along with his wife and kid, in February.

To celebr--, I mean, in honor of this we've arranged a special farewell event for family and friends this Friday, Jan. 28 at Amore Coffee, 879 Smith Avenue in West St. Paul. This will run from 7 - 9 p.m. Feel free to drop by and say "hello" or "good-bye" or "you think you're so smart" or whatever.

Directions are here (be sure you go to the Amore in West St. Paul, not St. Paul).

You know you're hardcore....

.....when you mention that you took the family skating, and native Minnesotans tell you you were nuts to be out there.

(it was really pretty warm.....about 8 degrees)

If Ditka is praying, how can we go wrong?

Jay Cutler

The dude over on the left
Is Jay Cutler.
Seriously.
Look it up.
He's scary looking.
He's constipated.
He's fake-baked.
He's wearing a man thong.
He's wrong for Chicago.
He's wrong for America.

Go Packers.
At least our quarterback
Looks like Will Farrell.

See Much Difference??